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The narcissist’s False Self cannot stand being held under scrutiny, because it is above reproach.It is at this time that the narcissistic cracks start opening wider as more fully blown narcissistic tendencies emerge.

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If you are the one trying to contact and make-up, it is more likely that the narcissist will devalue and discard you.

If this is not the case, it is because the narcissist still wants something from you – possessions, money, status, contacts or sex because other sources are momentarily low.

Many people over the years have stated about the narcissists in their life, “Why doesn’t he or she leave me alone? ” Then of course, many people have been incessantly checking their emails, phones and answering machines that the narcissist will contact them.

It is very usual in the relationship with a narcissist to expect, fear and dread hoovering, and then, at times, feel like you won’t survive if you don’t receive it.

Such is the when you are stuck in the throes of narcissistic abuse.

Additionally people have been astounded at how – even after the narcissist has moved on with a new partner – that they still make contact, and still try to affect and create reactions.Often, this separation occurs after a time of silence between you and the narcissist.The hoovering generally happens when you are not making contact, and at times when you are trying to get on with your life.They need to know that they are affecting someone, or someone hasn’t got over them, and that this person is at their beck and call, and that they are “captured” as a future feed if necessary. They tend to keep multiple sources of supply as backup, the same way crocodiles store pieces of meat under rocks when other food supplies fall low. The worst insult possible to a narcissist is when a person creates their own up-levelling, truly detaches and reaches the healed point of: “You Are Not My Reality.” There is no greater threat to the narcissist’s ego than being rendered Because the narcissist has no ability to generate, validate or sustain his or her own emotional well-being, people opting out of the narcissist’s stage play confirm the narcissist’s greatest terror – that he or she is unlovable, abandoned and this fails, and produces results that are far from effective in granting the narcissist comfort, connection and stability – the narcissist’s twisted perceptions then create the ultimate devaluation that the narcissist’s projected wounds have been playing out all along.Namely, the narcissist’s despising of you, and malicious attacks, are all to do with him or her trying to destroy the parts of him or herself that the narcissist detests; the parts that the narcissist f – getting a hit of attention to stop the narcissist from collapsing inwards and being eaten alive by his or her own tortured inner-being.Hoovering is NOT about love; it is about necessary narcissistic emotional survival – and everything and everyone is merely an object serving that need.Unfortunately many people don’t realise true detachment with no emotional hooks, or energy, amazing true life.If the victim is battered down into submission, then it’s open slather – the narcissist may “make up” non-authentically, “I told you I’m sorry, isn’t THAT enough for you?,” or not at all, and then continue on with narcissistic business as usual – especially if the abused person’s boundaries and self-respect have crumbled.So, take a stroll down memory lane to remember all of our past Word of the Year selections.Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert.

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