Chat with straight men

Chat with straight men-4
David had a deep, raspy voice and a strong jaw, and composed acerbic, Elvis Costello–like love songs to idealized women on his guitar, and when we would jam out for a room of impressed peers to “Don’t Go Back to Rockville” — him on guitar, me on piano — I felt a kind of joyous male bonding that I’d observed but stood apart from amid years of suffering through hockey, baseball, and soccer teams. Privileged.” B., 40: “Khaki pants.” D., 28: “Cargo shorts. I need to put up a defense before seeing who they really are. Rejection I experienced by my father.” J., 36: “Republicans, goofy, cluelessly trying to present and protect their masculinity.” Some of the responses were witheringly fashion-oriented.

David had a deep, raspy voice and a strong jaw, and composed acerbic, Elvis Costello–like love songs to idealized women on his guitar, and when we would jam out for a room of impressed peers to “Don’t Go Back to Rockville” — him on guitar, me on piano — I felt a kind of joyous male bonding that I’d observed but stood apart from amid years of suffering through hockey, baseball, and soccer teams. Privileged.” B., 40: “Khaki pants.” D., 28: “Cargo shorts. I need to put up a defense before seeing who they really are. Rejection I experienced by my father.” J., 36: “Republicans, goofy, cluelessly trying to present and protect their masculinity.” Some of the responses were witheringly fashion-oriented.When the summer ended, I wrote something appropriately snarky and bombastic in David’s yearbook. He broke down a wall in me and let me see that there were smart, artistic straight men in the world who would love me for the effeminate, pretentious little sass mouth that I was, and who might be far braver than I, in fact, in showing their hand emotionally. The need to assert their ‘straightness’ over anything.” W., 50, who’s black, said specifically of straight black men: “Homophobic. Being loud and unaware and taking up personal space in public.” J., 44: “Some guy in your office who works in or wears button-downs with the bottom hanging out.” W., 58: “Assholes. As A., 33, put it: “Fitted hat, hoodie, sportswear, basketball shorts, sweatpants, or suit, rocker with long hair all black clothes and tatts, bald-headed guy with handlebar moustache, clean-cut metrosexual who’s a little too primped and probably shaves all his pubes off, cheesy suburb type with bad And on and on it went.

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Only later, upon arriving home, I read his inscription to me: “I tease you because I see so much of myself in you. Probably because of David I was able to make similar straight male friends in college, many of whom, to varying extents, are my friends to this day, including J., who now lives in Park Slope with the wife I introduced him to and their two kids, and who only last week went to the opera with a buddy from his all-male book club. Never mind that we all live in New York and mostly work in creative or altruistic fields and know plenty of straight men who don’t at all fit these slovenly, smug stereotypes; that many of us have fathers, brothers, nephews, or friends who disprove these images; that we all see gender norms breaking down a little bit more every day.

(He didn’t like it; we were both more partial to jazz and the Blake Babies incollege.) Ever since, I’ve not painted straight men with one brush; this is New York City, after all, and in my 25 years here I’ve met, and sometimes befriended, some of the smartest, most gifted, funniest, sweetest, and most thoughtful straight men on the planet. These are still the gut reactions we have when we hear the monolithic “straight men.” And that means that both straight men and gay men have a long way togo.

But then there were quite a lot who started to chat with me.

That's when I stumbled across a second guys are more sexually fluid than we think.

"I just kept my same photos as a guy, but they still swiped right and started chatting with me," he told me. Heterosexual-identifying men chatting up another guy? But wanted to take things to another level, so I decided to say yes to every man.

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I swiped right on hundreds of men looking for women — and in the process, what I saw as an intriguing example of sexual fluidity emerged.: Plenty of men swipe right without even looking, not taking the time to examine the photos, much less the bio.

Often, I feel more myself with them — or at least some seldom-accessed part of myself I can’t quite name — than I do with gay male or femalefriends. Of course, as gay men, we can find ourselves in a sort of gender-politics netherworld.

But despite all of those positive experiences, I still experience a not entirely warm and fuzzy mess of feelings at the mention of “straight men,” writ large. Sexism.” C., 45: “Undue privilege, clueless, sometimes alluring even though not an option, myopic unless their horizons broadened.” A., 42: “Smelly, unself-aware, muscular jock, selfish.” B., 52: “Not sexy. We are men, after all, and share that historically privileged gender status with our straight brethren.

Men complimented me, telling me I was "hot" or "handsome." I got asked for sexual favors along the lines of "I'm not gay but I'd let you blow me." Some even went as far and asked to have sex with me as long as I didn't do other "gay shit." Others asked if I would join them and their girlfriends for threesomes.

There were men who publicly identified as straight who were up to trying new things and testing the boundaries of their sexuality, sometimes with a witness/participant.

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