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But don't try and say 'wow so why didn't you go to Oxford University? So many tourists wearing Oxford University hoodies and taking photos of every single pretty building which in Oxford is EVERY BUILDING.14.' You mean apart from the fact that I didn't get straight A's and got an E in Photography and Mummy doesn't own a vineyard and a small part of the Caribbean? If we say we loves Big Balls, we mean the alcoholic drink. Especially as that's where you'll end up after a few Big Balls in you.15. If you get offered a Moo Moo, we're not offering you drugs.

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We know these parts like the back of our hands so if we end up doing 90mph around winding bends and foliage strewn roads, have no fear.

Just beware of cobbles, tourists, buses, deer, wildlife, other people, and your baguette falling out of your wicker basket.7.

Lesbians have a natural tendency to go from 0 to 100KMph in no time at all, relationship-wise, so gently ensure that she's on your wavelength.

On a practical level, it may feel bizarre at first to hold a girl's hand in the street or kiss in public.

Don't take the mickey out of our posh accent, or say "rahhh darling" or "Gap Yaaaa" We get it, hahahahaha don't we sound funny, ENOUGH.8.

Understand that very prestigious people studied in Oxford which translates to us being amazing.

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We'll brag about the Great Hall in Harry Potter being filmed at the university. It's a milkshake made from the gods, you heathen.6.

It may not have the floating candles or hot Draco Malfoy but just accept how amazing it is and move on.2. We'll definitely want to grab our bike to cycle somewhere.


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